Educating To End Abuse

Characteristics of a Clergy Predator & Red Flags

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These men look for affirmation from women out of their own low self esteem and neediness.
                                                                                                       Dr. Richard Irons

 
Verbal Red Flags


You are phenomenally gorgous.

You hold the key to the sacristy of my heart.

If the priesthood is the crown, you are the jewels.

I know when women ovulate, they're all over me.

I got it going on.

They should have made me head pastor right out of seminary.

Call me your eminance.

I am the new pope of this county.

I make this look good.

You are my spiritual spouse.

You are my family now.

I  consider your children, my children.

You don't think I am being too affectionate with your wife, do you?

I'm sexually integrated.

Would you still love me if I ended up with a prostitute?

Would you visit me if I ended up in jail?

I can't stand needy parishoners.

Are you sure this vocation is right for you?

Have you ever thought of leaving your husband?

Would you like me to leave the priesthood?

Call me by my first name, instead of "Father".

I get aroused by you.

I am going to do something to you.

Please forgive me.

I am taking us both straight to hell.

You turn my crank.

I know we could never do it, that wouldn't be good...oh yeh it would be good.

Why couldn't have we met 10 yrs earlier?

I hurt a girl so deeply in high school, I know I am going to be paying for it for the rest of my life and in the life to come.

I hurt a family member so deeply, I know I am going to be paying for it for the rest of my life and in the life to come.

I hope you don't ever have to see my dark side.

I never thought as a priest I would have to practice NFP.

You are my Mary Magdelene.

You hold me like the angels held Jesus in the garden.

I'm not trying to be romantic...

Our love is a gift from God.

You will not believe the graces you will receive by allowing a priest into your family.

None of my siblings wanted me to become a priest.

If anyone would complain about me, my parents would be down at the chancery so fast defending me.

My parents are so emotionally immature.

You are phenomenally gorgous.

You hold the key to the sacristy of my heart.

If the priesthood is the crown, you are the jewels.

I know when women ovulate, they're all over me.

I got it going on.

They should have made me head pastor right out of seminary.

Call me your eminance.

I am the new pope of this county.

I make this look good.

You are my spiritual spouse.

You are my family now.

I  consider your children, my children.

You don't think I am being too affectionate with your wife, do you?

I'm sexually integrated.

Would you still love me if I ended up with a prostitute?

Would you visit me if I ended up in jail?

I can't stand needy parishoners.

Are you sure this vocation is right for you?

Have you ever thought of leaving your husband?

Would you like me to leave the priesthood?

Call me by my first name, instead of "Father".

I get aroused by you.

I am going to do something to you.

Please forgive me.

I am taking us both straight to hell.

You turn my crank.

I know we could never do it, that wouldn't be good...oh yeh it would be good.

Why couldn't have we met 10 yrs earlier?

I hurt a girl so deeply in high school, I know I am going to be paying for it for the rest of my life and in the life to come.

I hurt a family member so deeply, I know I am going to be paying for it for the rest of my life and in the life to come.

I hope you don't ever have to see my dark side.

I never thought as a priest I would have to practice NFP.

You are my Mary Magdelene.

You hold me like the angels held Jesus in the garden.

I'm not trying to be romantic...

Our love is a gift from God.

You will not believe the graces you will receive by allowing a priest into your family.

None of my siblings wanted me to become a priest.

If anyone would complain about me, my parents would be down at the chancery so fast defending me.

My parents are so emotionally immature.

You are phenomenally gorgous.

You hold the key to the sacristy of my heart.

If the priesthood is the crown, you are the jewels.

I know when women ovulate, they're all over me.

I got it going on.

They should have made me head pastor right out of seminary.

Call me your eminance.

I am the new pope of this county.

I make this look good.

You are my spiritual spouse.

You are my family now.

I  consider your children, my children.

You don't think I am being too affectionate with your wife, do you?

I'm sexually integrated.

Would you still love me if I ended up with a prostitute?

Would you visit me if I ended up in jail?

I can't stand needy parishoners.

Are you sure this vocation is right for you?

Have you ever thought of leaving your husband?

Would you like me to leave the priesthood?

Call me by my first name, instead of "Father".

I get aroused by you.

I am going to do something to you.

Please forgive me.

I am taking us both straight to hell.

You turn my crank.

I know we could never do it, that wouldn't be good...oh yeh it would be good.

Why couldn't have we met 10 yrs earlier?

I hurt a girl so deeply in high school, I know I am going to be paying for it for the rest of my life and in the life to come.

I hurt a family member so deeply, I know I am going to be paying for it for the rest of my life and in the life to come.

I hope you don't ever have to see my dark side.

I never thought as a priest I would have to practice NFP.

You are my Mary Magdelene.

You hold me like the angels held Jesus in the garden.

I'm not trying to be romantic...

Our love is a gift from God.

You will not believe the graces you will receive by allowing a priest into your family.

None of my siblings wanted me to become a priest.

If anyone would complain about me, my parents would be down at the chancery so fast defending me.

My parents are so emotionally immature.

Gary Schoener, John Gonsiorek, and others of their colleagues at the Walk-In-Counseling Center in Minneapolis did foundational work in this area. With the broad experience of diagnosing hundreds of therapist and clergy offenders, Gonsiorek described nine categories of sexual offenders.

(1) The naïve offender is ignorant of the ethics and unprepared to deal with the power differentials involved in care-giving settings.

(2) The normal or mildly neurotic professional may develop a gradual romantic relationship with a vulnerable person during a stressful time in his/her own life.

(3) The severely neurotic or socially isolated professional displays longer-term personality traits such as depression, inadequacy, low self-esteem, and social isolation. This person may demonstrate a repetitive pattern of offending. He/she will seek to be self-punitive rather than changing their behavior, and has poor boundaries about caretaking of vulnerable others.

(4) Professionals with impulsive character disorders include a wide variety of inappropriate behaviors, including even criminal acts, dramatic behavioral disinhibition, but not by cunning or planning.

(5) Sociopathic or narcissistic personalities will be more deliberate, cunning, and manipulative. They set out to offend more intentionally than category four.

(6) Psychotics demonstrate impaired reality testing and have delusional thinking.

(7) “Classic” sex offenders have a chronic and repetitive manner of offending, including pedophiles or other types of sex offenders. They may be impulsive and narcissistic.

(8) The medically disabled experience mood disorder problems, especially bipolar disease (manic-depression), in which there is a decided lack of moral judgment.

(9) Masochistic, self-defeating individuals experience internal conflicts about setting boundaries and limits. They increasingly give in to demanding and needy or vulnerable people.

Marie Fortune lists traits of all sexual abusers in ministry that appear somewhere in the continuum: controlling, dominating, limited self-awareness, limited or no awareness of boundary issues, no sense of damage caused by their own behavior, poor judgment, limited impulse control, limited understanding of consequences of their actions, often charismatic, sensitive, talented, inspirational and effective in ministry, limited or no awareness of their own power, lack of recognition of their own sexual feelings, and confusion of sex and affection.